Take a stroll down this road...

All of my past experiences made me who I am today...I can only hope that my messages can reach others who are going thru, or have been thru what I have...







Life is a journey, and begins with one step at a time...



Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Torn

<p>True love in a marriage is definitely tested when something major occurs like a death of a family member, financial hardship, or when your spouse becomes seriously ill. My husband and I have been together for 12 years and married for 10 years. He was always my back bone through everything. He guided me through a lot of my darkest times and believed in me when I didn't even believe in myself. I was able to overcome a horrible addiction to drugs as a result of his love, patience, understanding, and faith. I've always seen us growing old together, having our kids and Grand kids over for holiday dinners, BBQ's, and special family get togethers.

All of that was suddenly jeopardized when my husband began showing signs of a mental illness 2 years ago out of no where. I never saw it coming even after I replayed things over and over again in my mind...nothing... He began to slowly change. This once care free person who loved God with all his heart was now paranoid that people were trying to kill him and us (his family). He thought random people, even the government were on an evil plot to see us destroyed to nothing. He took so many drastic measures to ”protect us” from these people that in the end we lost everything.

At one time we had a nice townhouse, 2 cars, our own cleaning business, he was in college to get his bachelors degree in accounting, and I worked at Bank of America. Month by month as his illness worsened all of those things we once had started to disappear til we were living out of a hotel room, with one car, no cleaning business, no college degree, and me with no job. I was forced to leave my job because he got to the point where he could not be alone. He feared being alone would cause him to die.

It finally got so bad when he stopped talking all together. He would communicate to everyone thru using his hands or writing things down but he wouldn't utter a word. I was so scared that he would hurt him self or get even worse. It was then that I started seeking outside help. I knew it wasn't his fault, he didn't have control over these thoughts in his head. It was completely a chemical imbalance and I knew he needed the help of a psychiatrist to get through this. After consulting a doctor he was placed inpatient in a mental facility for a week. They put him on medication that eventually stopped the paranoid delusions.

Now he was still battling with severe depression because he knew he wasn't the same person he used to be and that scared him.  With my husband not able to fully function that left me to take the position as the head of our home and care for him as well as our 4 children. Sometimes I ask myself how I have been able to get through all of it, but then a calm feeling comes over me and I am quickly reminded that God has been my guide ,comforter, and savior this whole time. Without HIM I can do nothing.

Its been 2 years since my husband first became ill, and things are not that much better but we take it day by day. My love was definitely tested through all of this. I was constantly reminded of the vows I took on our wedding day: For better or worse, richer or poorer, SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH. I've realized that God truly blessed me with my soul mate. Honestly after all that we've been through as a family I can truly say I love my husband more now than ever. I believe that with my love, support, understanding, and faith backing him, he will be renewed and restored into the awesome man of God he is.  It just goes to show that God is love an through Him all things are possible.


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