Take a stroll down this road...

All of my past experiences made me who I am today...I can only hope that my messages can reach others who are going thru, or have been thru what I have...

Life is a journey, and begins with one step at a time...

Sunday, November 25, 2012

See past the storm

In the middle of your storm, if You look hard enough...You can catch a glimpse of a rainbow...

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

What to do, what to do

<p>I have 4 children and my oldest is 16 years old. Raising a teenager, especially in today's society has been a challenge In many ways. I had my oldest at a very young age, but it seems like this new generation has changed dramatically from when I was 16 years old. There are so many different distractions that are in a teenagers life, especially a teenage boy.... sigh</p>
<p>My latest dilemma with my son is school and his goals. My son has a lot of wonderful goals that most kids his age don't have. He wants to attend college and get involved in journalism or music/movie production. As I sit and listen to his future plans and ever-changing ideas I can't help but to be a little scared. </p>
<p>You see my son is battling an issue that so many other people in this country deal with everyday. He is bipolar. The doctor diagnosed him a year ago, although I've known there was an issue 3 years ago. I was diagnosed with the same thing when I was younger so I understand and know all too well what the symptoms are and what it's like battling this disease. </p>
<p>He was given medication to help him deal with his changing emotions on a daily basis, but the only problem is he refuses to take the medication. He thinks that by agreeing to take the medication he is admitting to the world that he is crazy. I've sat and talked to him on many different occasions and explained what being bipolar meant, some things to look out for, how to deal with it, and most importantly I told him that taking medication didn't mean in any way that he was crazy.</p>
<p>No matter how many talks we've had or how much I've comforted him, it doesn't seem to matter. His mind is made up and he refuses to take any medicine whatsoever. He is 16, so I can't force him to swallow pills everyday. I thought about putting them in his food, but I couldn't do that. So I decided to walk with him thru his choice to deal with his diagnosis on his own. I knew right away that he would face many challenges and so would I, but he's my son and I was ready for whatever life brought our way. </p>
<p>It's been an up and down battle since he was diagnosed. He's had a couple of episodes in the past year where he was either angry for no apparent reason, or sad, upset and crying with no real solid reason why and no way to make it stop. When these episodes occurred he would come to me first. He usually argued with me or tried to pick a fight with me and I knew that was his way of crying out for help without actually saying it. At times he has a difficult time expressing his emotions or organizing his feelings in such a way that he is able to explain what he's going thru. So as a mother it's been my job to know when he's having these episodes, understand what triggers them, and not just help, but teach him ways to cope with these mixed feelings. </p>
<p>I can tell you it's been really difficult for me at times. I have to constantly practice patience,calmness, and separating my own emotions from the situation. 3 things that can be extremely hard for someone whose battling being bipolar themselves. I can tell you that being him had helped me open my eyes to some of my own ways that needed change. </p>
<p>He's a freshman in high school this year (he was kept back twice for academic issues that i now believe were in a lot of ways connected to what he's going thru now). His excitement toward being in high school is there, his desire to graduate is there, and even his like and respect for his teachers is there, but his motivatioon towards daily attendance and his patience for certain subjects he has issues in...isn't there at all.

He struggles in certain subjects and when he can't understand what they are teaching or catch on to the assignments his frustration sets in and its almost like a part of him gives up. I quickly go from mother, mentor, and teacher to comforter, motivator and cheerleader.  I have to keep reminding how important his education is and how it's the foundation of his future. It takes a second of heart to heart conversation but eventually he is able to calm down and approach the assignment/lesson with a more focused attitude.

Each day brings something new and I would be lying if I told that his decision to not take medication has been the best or at times easiet thing to deal with. Nevertheless it's his decision and I believe with Gods help, dedication, and a lot of hard work my son can overcome this illness and be a successful adult. you

Monday, September 3, 2012

Faith accepts things unseen

Faith is the substance of things hoped for but not seen. The very essence of your walk with God is based on FAITH. God wants us to believe in Him, stand firm on his word, and have faith that He will guide us thru life.

Often times we find ourselves in the midst of a storm, or crossing a hurdle and find it so difficult to stand on faith. It is during those times that we need to remind our self that god will never put too much on us that we can't handle and thru faith we will understand that He is always with us.

Monday, July 9, 2012

Hands -jewel

Positive reminder

Today I was reminded that God will never put too much on me that I cannot handle. God saw my strength when I only saw my weakness. He breathed life into me years ago when I was ready to give Up. After all of these years of fighting, I somehow forgot who I was in Christ. Well today HE reminded me. I am more than conquerer through Christ Jesus who strengthens me. No weapon formed against me shall prosper., Greater is He that is in me, than He that is in the world.

I refuse to allow any obstacle to stop me or any issue to steal my peace. So today I reclaim back my happiness and continue to walk forward...

Every journey begins with one step...

Wednesday, June 27, 2012


<p>True love in a marriage is definitely tested when something major occurs like a death of a family member, financial hardship, or when your spouse becomes seriously ill. My husband and I have been together for 12 years and married for 10 years. He was always my back bone through everything. He guided me through a lot of my darkest times and believed in me when I didn't even believe in myself. I was able to overcome a horrible addiction to drugs as a result of his love, patience, understanding, and faith. I've always seen us growing old together, having our kids and Grand kids over for holiday dinners, BBQ's, and special family get togethers.

All of that was suddenly jeopardized when my husband began showing signs of a mental illness 2 years ago out of no where. I never saw it coming even after I replayed things over and over again in my mind...nothing... He began to slowly change. This once care free person who loved God with all his heart was now paranoid that people were trying to kill him and us (his family). He thought random people, even the government were on an evil plot to see us destroyed to nothing. He took so many drastic measures to ”protect us” from these people that in the end we lost everything.

At one time we had a nice townhouse, 2 cars, our own cleaning business, he was in college to get his bachelors degree in accounting, and I worked at Bank of America. Month by month as his illness worsened all of those things we once had started to disappear til we were living out of a hotel room, with one car, no cleaning business, no college degree, and me with no job. I was forced to leave my job because he got to the point where he could not be alone. He feared being alone would cause him to die.

It finally got so bad when he stopped talking all together. He would communicate to everyone thru using his hands or writing things down but he wouldn't utter a word. I was so scared that he would hurt him self or get even worse. It was then that I started seeking outside help. I knew it wasn't his fault, he didn't have control over these thoughts in his head. It was completely a chemical imbalance and I knew he needed the help of a psychiatrist to get through this. After consulting a doctor he was placed inpatient in a mental facility for a week. They put him on medication that eventually stopped the paranoid delusions.

Now he was still battling with severe depression because he knew he wasn't the same person he used to be and that scared him.  With my husband not able to fully function that left me to take the position as the head of our home and care for him as well as our 4 children. Sometimes I ask myself how I have been able to get through all of it, but then a calm feeling comes over me and I am quickly reminded that God has been my guide ,comforter, and savior this whole time. Without HIM I can do nothing.

Its been 2 years since my husband first became ill, and things are not that much better but we take it day by day. My love was definitely tested through all of this. I was constantly reminded of the vows I took on our wedding day: For better or worse, richer or poorer, SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH. I've realized that God truly blessed me with my soul mate. Honestly after all that we've been through as a family I can truly say I love my husband more now than ever. I believe that with my love, support, understanding, and faith backing him, he will be renewed and restored into the awesome man of God he is.  It just goes to show that God is love an through Him all things are possible.